One person per invite please!

Dear Place of Employment,

Please withdraw my name from the list of contenders for Event Planner Extraordinaire. I am honored that someone felt I was the appropriate party to dump this less-than-desirable responsibility on, as I'm sure it was with the purest of intentions to recognize my patience for prima donna guests.
Perhaps it is because I can provide endless hours of entertainment when running around like a chicken with my head cut off... either way, I am now sure that I am unfit for such an important task because I want to punch every last person in the face when they ask me, "So, 'one invite per person please' means that I can invite one person right?" No. No it does not. But if you want to watch me get squashed with a string of expletives when I inform my boss he has been cut for lack of space, please by all means bring a guest.

Thank you for your consideration. If there's anything else I can take on as a last minute request requiring endless hours of work over my weekend, please by all means send it my way.

Sincerely,
Me